Blurry scenes, confused plot, lack of race-prepared vans made first GoT finale unpopular. Can a low-dollar, hooptie-filled reboot at Lemons Washington do better?
Shelton WA–As fans roundly deride the recent Game of Thrones finale, crapcan racers filing apps for Lemons’ Pacific NorthWorst GP (27-28 July, enter by 1 June) are already preparing to shoot its replacement. “To rush a reboot into production, HBO had to quickly find new filming locations laden with fire, pathos, destruction, scary forests, and historically accurate costumes,” says Møpar Güttwrench (formerly Ed Bronfman), archmaester (formerly captain) of Team Righteouss Dragonslayarr Krossbowe (formerly Putz Rent-A-Race Team). “Put all that stuff on a checklist and the answer is ‘any Pacific Northwest Lemons race ever.'”
HBO’s wildly popular soap/dragon/boobs opera was originally shot in Ireland, Croatia, and other exotic locales, but “…Lemons races give us 90% of the moody, smoky, hopeless, mud-covered chaos GoT fans crave at a fraction the cost,” confirms Sketch E. Wiesel, the network’s Executive VP for Half-Assed Solutions. “One lap of a typical cloud-belching Lemons Fiat will make a scene just as blurry and incomprehensible as all the cutting-edge CGI viewer-confusion software we normally use.”
Side benefits of the plan include unlimited grime-slathered extras and the potential for new and spontaneous storylines, the executive continues. “Depending on which teams show up, the reboot might feature Jon Snow and Ghost driving North of The Wall in a super-dope Subaru BRAT, or Cersei Lannister hiding a curse fetish inside an unknowing team’s rollcage, or a thrilling battle between Phyero Brotherhood and Trux Uncapped for the Iron Duke Throne.”
Lemons organizers advise teams to enter before Saturday, June 1 in order to give HBO time to decide which, if any, can be safely filmed naked.