Long-Distance

Zero Shrimp

Rallies

MOSCOW, MD | ROANOKE, VA | ASHEVILLE, NC | CHATTANOOGA, TN | LEEDS, AL

RETREAT FROM MOSCOW RALLY

 

January 28-31, 2020
CHICAGO, IL | ST LOUIS, MO | TULSA, OK | AMARILLO, TX |
GALLUP, TX | LAUGHLIN, NV | SANTA MONICA, CA

LEMONS ROUTE 66 RALLY

 

June 16 – 21, 2020
(Entry Deadline: June 11)
DENVER, CO | CRAIG, CO | EL JEBEL, CO | COLORADO SPRINGS, CO

THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN BREAKDOWN

July 10 – 12, 2020
(Entry Deadline: July 5)
PACIFIC GROVE, CA | STOCKTON, CA | FORT BRAGG, CA |
GRASS VALLEY, CA | SANTA CRUZ, CA | SEASIDE, CA

HELL ON WHEELS MONTEREY RALLY

 

August 11 – 15, 2020
(Entry Deadline: August 6)
BOSTON, MA | BENNINGTON, VT | PORTLAND, ME | LOUDON, NH

FALL FAIL-IAGE TOUR

October 15 – 17, 2020
(Entry Deadline: October 10)

The Deets

Vehicle

Anything street-legal, insured and offensive to Gullwing guys.

Entry Fee

$425/car. Get your own room, buy your own food, wipe your own nose.

Rally Rules

It’s mostly just “don’t be a tool,” but see them all here.

A TASTE OF THE SCORING

Performance

+60 Finishing the day
+10-150 Optional checkpoints and challenges en route
+0-150 Creative roadside repairs
+/- 0-150 Tickets and arrests (how good’s your story?)

Who made your hooptie

-50 For Japanese
-20 For German, but…
+50 For pre-’90s German diesel
+100 For Italian
+125 For French
+150 For English
+250 For Warsaw Pact

When did they make it

+75 For 1980s
+100 For 1970s
+170 For 1960s
+200 For 1950s
+250 For pre-1950

HOW BUTT-TURRIBLE IS IT?

+60 Finishing the day
+10-150 Optional checkpoints and challenges en route
+0-150 Creative roadside repairs
+/- 0-150 Tickets and arrests (how good’s your story?)

DEDUCTION & ADDITIONS

-2500 For showing up in a press loaner
-250 For wearing Pilotis
+300 For bringing a Beetle-pan kit car
+50 For Designer Edition (Bill Blass, Givenchy, Levi’s, etc)
-300 For using phrase “double apex”

+70 For best YouTube post of the day
-0-900 For being a general douchenozzle
+0-900 For junkyard parts gained en route
+0-900 For ridiculous themes &/or outfits

Price

Entry: $425 per entered vehicle, regardless of number of team members. Stuff as many people as you can legally fit in your ride. The entry fee includes the Route Book (“Weird-Ass Guided Tour To Nowhere”), scoring along the way, commemorative crap, and anything else we come up with by then.

Late Fees and Onsite Registration: A $75 fee will be assessed if you don’t pay prior to the end of online registration five days before the event start. Late entrants may pay the $500 total onsite WITH CASH ONLY.

Rally Rules

General

1.1: DON’T BE A DOUCHE That’s what expensive rallies are for.

1.2: OBEY THE LAW This isn’t a race. Obey all traffic and other laws.

1.3: REFUNDS Full refunds 60 or more days before the event. After that you get merciless heckling only–no refunds or fee transfers.

1.4: ORGANIZER AUTHORITY Lemons has complete authority to give or remove points; to change routes or schedules; and/or to kick your ass out.

  • 1.4.a: ACCIDENTS AND/OR MOVING VIOLATIONS …are two great ways to get your ass kicked out.

1.5: ROUTES The Route Book lists daily starts, finishes, and checkpoints. It’s your job to pick which roads get you there.

1.6: YOU’RE LIABLE What you’re doing here can be dangerous. You’ve made the decision to do it anyway, and you understand and accept that you’re responsible for what happens as a result.

Eligibility

2.1: VEHICLE ELIGIBILITY Open to anything street-legal and road-insured (be ready to show proof).

2.2: PARTICIPANT ELIGIBILITY A full, valid, and current street license is required for drivers (be ready to show proof). If you can’t show a full, valid, and current street license, you’re welcome to ride but not drive (crew). Anyone under 18 must present this minor waiver signed by a legal guardian

Safety

3.1: DO WHAT WE SAY, DAMMIT Lemons can demand any change to routes, schedules, vehicles, teams, etc. This is not a debate—either do it, or go home.

3.2: ROADWORTHINESS Teams are responsible for ensuring their vehicles are roadworthy and free from dangerous defects at all times. Lemons does not perform an inspection of rally vehicles and makes no assurances or guarantees regarding any vehicle’s condition, safety, or fitness.

3.3: EMERGENCY SUPPLIES Every vehicle should carry a decent first-aid kit, 48 hours’ supply of food and water for everyone in it, and paper maps.

3.4: OTHER SUPPLIES Bring spare parts. Bring a good toolbox. Bring a spare phone battery. Bring whatever nav aids you like. Bring warm clothes. Bring flares. Bring a cellphone or tablet for posting your checkpoints. Bring a good attitude. Bring extra coffee. A lot of teams bring CB radios. Bring your arse to the Lemons Rally tab in the Forum for more recommendations.

Scoring

4.1: STARTING POINTS Extra starting points are (capriciously) awarded by (wholly unqualified) judges for vehicle awfulness, team hopelessness, general hilarity, etc.

4.2: CHECKPOINT POINTS Each day has scenic, historic, and/or weird-ass checkpoints with various point values. You probably can’t hit ‘em all, so just pick the routes that appeal. To be scored, take a pic of your car (or mascot) in front of the checkpoint and post it online as described in the Route Book.

  • 4.2.a: CHECKPOINT POINTS FOR THE DIGITALLY ILLITERATE Look– we aren’t sending guys to man checkpoints/get eaten by bears just so you don’t have to learn Facebook. Find a 12-year-old kid with an iPhone or just read our Checkpoint Posting for Grampas guide.

4.3: AWESOMENESS POINTS Additional points at the organizers’ discretion for excellent photos/videos/web posts you share with us; for super-mensch behavior; for heroic repairs; for adventures above and beyond; and for anything else we deem atypically awesome.

Want to see a strikethrough version of the rules for some reason? View that here.

Highlights from This Year’s Rallies